The Simulacrum

~Chapter 136~ Part 3

It was a slow, languid Saturday afternoon, as if in direct defiance of the crazy day I had before, and the familiar living room of Josh's home felt especially tranquil. In retrospect, I kind of needed something like this to unwind a little, and even the repeated yells of 'Wave Motion Fist!' coming from the television felt oddly calming.

"So, you're not going to flip the Elysium's table overnight?" Josh asked, obviously trying to divide my attention so that he could catch me in an air juggle combo, but I was onto his game and managed to push him back with a Greek Cancel and we returned to neutral.

"Nah, not yet," I grumbled as my character used a Force Parry, but then got caught in a ground combo. "I'm not allowed to do that, by the decree of the Plot-Non-Up-Screwing Committee."

"The what?" he blurted out, only to hiss as I used his momentary lapse in attention to launch a Super Move and catch his character in an air combo, ending the match. "Hey! Unfair!"

"All is fair in love and Street Kombat," I told him with a grin, and we got ready for the third and decisive match.

"… Seriously though, what's a Plot-Un-Screwing Committee?" he grumbled, but before I could answer, a new voice joined the fray as Angie returned from the kitchen with a pair of soda bottles under her arms.

"It's Judy and Elly, silly squirrel," she told her boyfriend as she walked by and roughly tousled his hair, an act made easier by the fact the two of us were sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the TV.

"H-Hey! You're distracting me!" the guy moaned, though it didn't make a lick of difference, considering the game was on pause at the moment.

In any case, Angie had the right answer. As much as I expected the girls to welcome my resolution to upend the status quo and do something about the three chief directors, I was scolded for rushing things in a half-assed way instead. Judy, in particular, insisted that if I wanted to do this, then I should do it right and not leave any stray threads hanging.

That was followed up by my talk with Moose, who insisted that acting right now was unwise, considering he was just on the cusp of rallying the unsatisfied Celestial middle class behind me, so he implored me to give him a bit more time. As such, I was forced to soften my stance a little. That, of course, didn't mean that I wouldn't give the three head honchos a piece of my mind, and draw the proverbial line in the sand, but that was for later.

For now, I was still focused on beating Josh in the game, and I was doing pretty well. While I was a bit out of practice, and I picked a different character from usual, I held my own well enough, if I do say so myself, until someone poked me in the back with her toes, causing my attention to falter and my character to get caught in a super-combo.

"Hey!" I called out without looking back, but by then half of my health bar was gone, making a comeback rather unlikely. "That was uncalled for."

"Nah, do you know what was uncalled for?" Angie answered as she continued to poke my back while sitting on the couch. "Scaring the ever-loving bejeezus out of me yesterday, that's what!"

"Cut it out!"

Despite my best effort, my character's health reached zero, and to add insult to injury, Josh ended the fight with a Finality Move. Slightly peeved, I turned around, but the Celestial girl already had her legs under her and was devouring a bowl of popcorn like she was an angel. I mean, a literal one, not a metaphorical one.

"I didn't want to scare you, you know?" I told her, and she gave me an innocent look, as if she didn't know what I was talking about. "And my warning still stands, anyway."

"What?" Josh sounded a touch incredulous as he turned to me with a brow raised high. "Didn't you say you weren't going to do a coup because of that plot-something-something committee thing?"

"Not a coup, but I'm planning to cut their legs out of under them anyway, so my recommendation still stands," I told them and glanced back to Angie. "You, lay low and make sure you don't get caught up in any Celestial shenanigans." I looked at Josh next. "And you, stay by her side and keep her safe, just in case."

"I do that all the time," the guy responded with a shrug, then added, "And it's not like I have much of a chance to do that, considering those Praetorian Guards of yours are mother-henning us all day, every day. We barely have any alone time lately."

"Right, I just wanted to talk about that!" Angie raised her voice and pointed at me. "Can you ask them to give us some breathing space? We can't even k-kiss without them peeking at us."

"… Why did you stutter just now?" I asked with one hundred percent genuine curiosity, but she puffed up her cheeks anyway.

"Mou! Stop nitpicking! We're still new at this, you know?"

I wanted to point out that they had been going out for the better part of two months by now, but my attention was drawn back to Josh, who gestured at the old-school console on the floor. Or maybe the character-select screen? Either way, he was obviously asking if I wanted to start the next round. Instead of answering, I reached out and snatched the popcorn out of the distracted girl's hands.

"Nah, I'll take a break. Your turn."

That caught Angie's complaints in her throat, and a blink of an eye later she was sitting between us with the second controller in hand.

"Don't mind if I do!" she exclaimed with a happy-go-lucky grin, but then she soon turned sombre when she looked at me again. "Seriously though, can you tell them to give us some personal space?"

"Can't you do that yourself?" I asked back while chewing on a mouthful of popcorn, but she shook her head. Then nodded. And then shook it again.

"No, I can't! They take everything I say as an order, and they get depressed when I tell them to cut it out. It must make them feel that Deus is telling them they are doing their job wrong."

"And how does my telling them the same make it any different?"

"You're their boss," Josh came to his girlfriend's support, even while his eyes were glued to the TV screen and his fingers busy selecting his next character. "Isn't telling them they aren't doing their job right your job?"

"Semantics," I grumbled, and the girl between us let out a soft giggle. Then, her expression turned pensive.

"Hey, guys? Do you think we can stay like this even after we return to Elysium?"

"Stay like what?" I asked, and she made a vague gesture at the three of us.

"Like this. Hanging out and playing games and stuff. I really hope we can stay friends forever."

That was sweet, but also a little suspicious. I was pretty sure talking about mushy stuff like this before something dramatic was about to happen was one of those Death Flag tropes.

"I mean, I'd really like it if we could stay together forever. In fact, we should do that!" Angie exclaimed, steadily working herself up in the process. "We'll be the three amigos of Elysium, and nothing could ever come between u—"

Before she could finish, I reached out and put a finger on her mouth.

"Careful. This is what we, in the business, call tempting fate," I told her in a stern voice, and she blinked at me, giving her best startled-bunny impression.

"Tempting fate?" Josh echoed me with a critical brow raised. "Wait. If fate's real, then that's real too? Is that why Judy and Elly always teased you about jinxing stuff?"

"It's one of the more annoying universal forces, yes," I answered vaguely and retraced my hand. "You best keep it in mind. Also, no joking about retirement, never show family photos to others in a tense situation, never tell someone you're going to tell them something important at a later date, and for the love of all that's good and holy, if you're in danger, never, ever start a sentence with 'If we survive this, I'll…'. Seriously, just don't. Don't even think it."

"… Wow," Angie muttered in a daze. "Fighting destiny sounds more complicated than I thought."

This time, Josh turned the same critical eyebrow at her.

"Why? What did you think it took?"

"Idunno? Lots of determination, and shaking your fist at the heavens?"

"Don't do that either," I told her, this time half-joking. "The universe is a dick, so it's just asking to be struck by lightning."

"… S-Seriously?" she muttered, her face paling in shock.

"It never hurts to be too careful," I told her with a wink, but before she could take me to task over whether I was pulling her leg, there was a knock on the front door, and I hopped to my feet. "Must be Jaakobah. I'll go get it."

"Oh. Are you coming back?" Josh asked a tad pensively, and after considering the answer, I shrugged.

"Maybe. Depends on how long it'll take. In any case, thanks for the hospitality, and have fun."

"Good luck!" the Celestial girl exclaimed with a thumbs up, and then hastily added, "Oh, and if you're meeting with Mr. Arpachshad anyway, tell him about what we just discussed. About our private time and stuff."

"I'll try not to forget about it."

With that, I headed over to the front door and slipped into my shoes before opening the door.

"Lord Archon," the apathetic man on the other side greeted me in his usual manner, and he was wearing the same ridiculously conspicuous trench coat and fedora combo as always. "The preparations are complete."

"Great. Let's go."

I said my farewells to the childhood friend couple and closed the door behind me. I didn't bother to put on a coat, since we were only walking to the Praetorian Guards' home base at the house near the end of the street. Once we arrived, we passed through the wards placed around the place (which were considerably less thorough than the ones Snowy put around our house, but I digress) and entered the living room.

The insides of the family home were fully transformed into a field headquarters, full of both mundane and magitech equipment. At the moment, only us, midriff-woman and facemask-fella were in the building, with the rest of them out on patrols and supply runs (the latter was what they called going to the nearest pizza place and ordering some food on the go, but I once again digress), and more importantly, a familiar face in the middle of the room.

"I-I greet the Second True Archon Lord Polemos!" the scrawny man did his best to salute to me, even though his multi-purpose magical instrument was in the way.

"At ease," I told him and rolled my shoulders. "Is everything in order?"

"Y-Yes, O Archon," the certified portal-technician nodded and put his hands on his instrument. "The reception committee has been informed of your arrival, and we are ready to go at your earliest convenience."

"Good. Please open the way."

"At once!" the man yelled with gusto and began playing a discordant melody.

Meanwhile, I activated my Leoformer, and shifted into my Polemos disguise, prompting me to roll my shoulders all over again to get it to fit me properly. Glancing at Jaakobah, I saw that he followed my example, and was already wearing most of his Celestial garb under his trench coat, which midriff-woman took from him without the need to ask.

"Are you planning to follow me?" I asked, and Jaakobah nodded without any pretence.

"Naturally. As the Prefect of your Praetorian Guard, it is my duty to accompany you whenever you perform formal duties or head to the battlefield."

"Oh? And which one is this going to be?" I asked with just a hint of a smile, which he didn't return at all.

"Whichever the Lord Archon decides."

I couldn't decide whether that was a good answer or not, but I had to admit, the man was both consistent and dedicated to his new job. In any case, while we conversed, the guy with the instrument finished his job, and I could already see a portal forming in the middle of the living room. I feel the vague timing of its opening, as always, and it was rather fast. Probably because it was an authorized sanctioned entry, about which I notified the Directorate ahead of time.

Before long, the small crack in space widened into a large circle, and I could see a group of people waiting for us on the other side. It was only when we stepped through, and I could feel the wind on my face, that I realized we were on the same balcony where I officially entered Elysium for the first time. And where I officially left the place as well.

…

Seriously, was this the formally designated portal landing platform of the Elysium, or were the people here just that creatively stunted? In any case, once I came to a halt, an equally familiar group of trumpeters announced my arrival and a group of Celestials in togas greeted me.

"Welcome back, O Polemos, Second True Archon of the—"

"Where's Savir?" I interrupted the man in the middle trying to give a speech and theatrically glanced around. "And the rest?"

"Lord Archon?" another Celestial, this time a vaguely familiar middle-aged woman, called out to me to get my attention. "Director Savir is currently at Migdál Iodes, while Director Tsephanyah is conducting a—"

"Do I look like I care?" I cut her off as well, a levelled a flat stare at her. "I thought I was explicit with my orders, but it seems your Directorate is even more undisciplined than I thought."

"E-Excuse me, O Lord Archon, we only—"

For the third time, I interrupted the speaker by raising a hand. I closed my eyes, slipped even deeper into my Polemos act, and when I opened them again, now in the form of a glare directed at the welcoming committee in front of me.

"This is a soft age. One of peace, prosperity, and security. I realized this long ago, and so I adopted a more lenient approach to you wayward lot. Something many of you have taken for granted, it seems. This, will not stand." I let my hand down, and raised my voice, channelling all my frustration from the day before. "Send messengers this instant! I want those two, and Mensah as well, in front of me within the hour!"

"B-But Lord Archon, as I just said, Director Savir is not in Migdál Glaukós, so…"

"Is that my problem?" I uttered flatly, accompanied by another glare. "Tell her this: she either comes before me on her own two feet, or I will personally drag her over by the hair, across half of Elysium if I have to. Did I make myself clear enough?"

"Y-Yes, Lord Archon!" the woman stuttered and turned tail, hopefully to contact the chief directors.

The moment she started moving, the rest of the committee also stirred, as if awakened from a light slumber, and they also thundered, "As you command!" more or less in unison before stumbling all over each other in their hurry to leave the balcony.

Shaking my head, I turned to my left, where I found two of the little girls with baskets full of rose petals standing nearby, looking rather anxious. I closed my eyes for a moment, and after letting out a pent-up breath, I forced a more neutral expression onto my face and casually waved at them.

"Shoo, kids. You're not needed today."

There was no need to say that twice, and the two of them scampered away, leaving me alone on the balcony with Jaakobah. I was just about to ask him if I was overdoing it, but before I could do so, the man let out an approving grunt.

"An excellent display of decisive leadership, Lord Archon."

I blinked, and after a long beat, slightly nodded my head and then turned at the landscape, once again feeling that my concept of what it means to be a leader was seriously out of whack with the rest of the world's…