The Simulacrum

~Chapter 141~ Part 3

"Why?! Why, why, WHY did I do that!? Everything was going fine, but then I just couldn't leave it alone! What is wrong with me!?"

"Could you pipe down?" I glared at the hole in reality and reached for my temple, only to pause when I realized there was something off. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that Pudding-kun disappeared from my face. Once I figured that out, I let out a soft groan and massaged my forehead even harder. "This headache is killing me."

"It's my own goddamn fault!" other-me yells at me, making his contours shake and distort with every word. "Just which part of 'don't fuck with the plot' was hard to understand?!"

"Maybe if you properly explained what the 'plot' was, then I would've known what to avoid!" I argued back, and other-me huffed and puffed in return.

"How exactly is it difficult to figure something like that out on my own!? Am I seriously this dense!? I knew that the plot was revolving around Deus, Polemos, and Joshua, right?"

"Well, yeah," I admitted and finally let my hand down, but only to fold my arms. On the other hand, other-me suddenly sounded even more outraged.

"If I knew that, then why the hell did I interfere with Joshua's plot?!"

"Why did I…? Are you nuts?! Josh got shot, and Angie was practically replaced by Deus, and the Magi got involved! How was I not supposed to interfere?!"

"By doing my goddamn part! Who do I think was supposed to apprehend Percival?! Or did I think that he escaped custody by coincidence?"

"No, that whole situation was obviously mucked up by the Narrative, but—"

"If I knew that, then why the bloody hell didn't I act on it?! Why did I interfere with the parts I wasn't supposed to be involved with instead?!"

"Read my lips, asshole," I raised my voice in turn, slowly devolving into a shouting match. "Angie. Was. Being. Taken. Over. By. Deus!"

"Yes! That was the plot!"

"It's…!" I was about to yell back, but then the words registered and I was stopped in my tracks. "Wait, what?"

"The plot! That's exactly what was supposed to happen to complete the Scenario!"

"… Okay, time out. That makes no bloody sense!"

Even though he had no eyes (or face, for that matter) I could practically feel the glare other-me was sending my way on my skin.

"It does! It absolutely does! Angeline was always supposed to be taken over by Deus; it's part of the natural progression of the plot."

"No, I'm telling you it's not," I argued back, my initial vehemence giving way to flat denial. "We even had this whole thing where Josh and Angie having sex interfered with her Deus-ness and kept it in bay, and I've seen the Narrative set up contrived situations to encourage that with my own eyes."

"No! Imbecile!" other-me roared. "That's not what that was about!"

I promptly roared back, "Then what was it about, genius!?"

Groaning, other-me vibrated so hard it caused even the blank whiteness surrounding us to tremble.

"Argh! Listen up, dipshit! It's all very simple: Joshua has the ability to absorb and incorporate the records of other Actors. He absorbs Angeline's records. Then her records are overwritten by the records of Deus. This is the darkest hour, and it gives us drama. Drama causes Joshua to undergo character development. Then, we have our finale, where all the Actors play their roles to allow Joshua to reach Deus again, and after cleverly using her power against her, he gets close, kisses her, gives her back her records, which awakens Angeline, and with Joshua's support, they subdue Deus. Cue happy ending. Simple, straightforward, and obvious."

"…" I waited for him to finish, and after a silent beat that stretched for theoretical miles, I lightly cleared my throat. "Excuse me, but what the fuck? How is any of that obvious?!"

"It would've been, if I paid proper attention to the plot instead of trying to—"

"No, shut up! I'm not listening to any of this hogwash! Are you even listening to yourself? Are you seriously telling me that everything was supposed to be resolved by the power of love?! That overused trite everyone with at least two brain cells to rub together is rightfully making fun of all the time?!"

"No, I shut up!" Other-me not only yelled, but floated right up in my face. "Tropes aren't bad! They become clichés when they work, and it would've worked if someone didn't majorly screw up the entire plot!"

"Oh, right! Please excuse me for trying to do my best, working with limited information, because someone else refused to throw me a proper bone!"

"I did! I already shared as much information as I could!"

"Well, it obviously wasn't enough." Growling and glaring in equal measure, I leaned in, forcing other-me to float back away.

"Obviously," the hole in reality growled back, but after staring daggers at each other for a while (or at least I was pretty sure that's what we were doing), he gave up. "It's not like it matters. At this point, the original plot is unsalvageable."

"Good riddance. It sucked."

"Oh, shut up. I don't understand anything."

"Again, whose fault is that?" I could once again feel other-me's glare on me, but it only lasted for a second.

"Argh. It's pointless arguing with me. I'm a bloody mule."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." I waited for a second, to see if he had anything else to say, but we were both out of steam at this point, so I figured it was as good a time as any to try and make things a bit more productive. "So, what now?"

"I haven't the foggiest. The main plot is in shambles, but maybe a couple of the side plots can be reintegrated. Like Duncan's arm."

"Hold on. What was that about his arm?"

Once again, I couldn't see it happen, but I could feel other-me roll his eyes at me.

"He was supposed to lose an arm in the battle, then Abram would bring him a replacement prosthetic made of liquid metal. The same stuff he offered to use as a replacement for my arm when I messed up the sentai subplot a while back."

"A-ha! I knew I wasn't paranoid and the sentai stuff was a thing!" I declared triumphantly, but then I remembered the current situation and toned things back a bit. "Anyhow, metal arm?"

"Yeah. It would've served as a power-up for the final battle, but that's obviously not happening… unless I do something about it."

"I'm not cutting his arm off just to fulfil some stupid Narrative design," I hissed. "Also, is this seriously your biggest concern at the moment?"

"Well, since the main plot is retroactively screwed, because someone was so attached to their alter-ego I acted like a bull in a china shop to try and preserve it, I should at least do my best to pick up the pieces and salvage whatever I can. It's not like there's anything else for me to do." When I continued to look at the black hole in front of me with all the flat incredulity of a hundred Judys combined, he soon added a confused, "What?"

"Aren't we ignoring the elephant in the room?"

For emphasis, I gestured at the white void surrounding us, as well as the star-filled crack hanging overhead. While currently distant, the red sun on the other side must've recognized that I was referring to it, as I could once again feel its attention pressing down on me.

"… I have to be more specific than that," the infuriating version of myself continued to infuriate me, and I held my head in my hand for a moment, lest we would descend into a shouting match all over again.

"For a start, where even are we?"

"In the Simulacrum, obviously." Other me shifted around, though since he was two-dimensional, it only meant his shape changed a bit to emulate turning left and right. "Oh. Do I mean the blank space?"

"Among other things."

"It's just the Simulacrum being on pause. It shouldn't affect the current Scenario. So, back to Duncan's arm—"

"No, we aren't going back to that! Explain to me what 'being on pause' means, and…" I once again gestured around. "And what happened to the bone-guy? Or what…" I looked up, and the moment I laid my eyes on the red sun, I could once again feel its presence on me. It was positively suffocating, so I barely managed to point a finger at the crack in the sky and squeeze out, "… is that?"

"Listen. I really, really shouldn't concern myself over—"

"No, I really, really should," I cut him off before he could make another excuse. "The… Predator Moon, right? He was thrown out of… the Simulacrum, I guess? But before that happened, he said he 'found me'. What did he mean by that?"

"A case of mistaken identity, and it's something I shouldn't worry about. Or know, really."

"You keep saying that, but I think I'm way too deep in this shit to just accept things and run with them. I need answers, dammit. Or at the very least, I need to know if he still poses a danger to me and the others."

"No, of course not. He never posed a danger to me, or…" Other me paused and shook. "It doesn't matter. I told you that he doesn't matter. The only thing I have to care about is the plot."

"I don't give half a shit about your plot!"

"It's not my plot! I mean, it is, but it's not in the way I think it…" Before he could finish his objection, the whole of the blank space trembled, and my eyes were immediately drawn to the red sun hanging overhead. It came closer to the crack in the sky, and while I could still feel its attention like a dump truck's worth of bricks on my shoulders, it wasn't actually aimed at me, but the black hole in the fabric of space floating next to me. "What? That's… No! That's just asking for a disaster!"

By the sound of it, other-me was communicating with… whatever the heck that was.

"Yes, of course, I know that the Scenario has to be completed to… No, I'm saying that if I'm granted free reign, I will ruin everything!"

"What are you on about?"

"Stay out of this!" other-me hissed in my direction and then turned back to continue to arguing with the red sun. "Yes, I— No, it's not about that! Listen, if I mess up the plot again, then… What? You can't be serious!"

"Okay, would you please stop putting up a one-man show, and explain to me what the heck is going on?"

Other-me turned in my direction, and I could practically feel the disparaging stare he was giving me, followed by a sigh of defeat.

"There's no need. There's a change in plans, and… Ugh… Why am I even trying to explain any of this?" All of a sudden, what until now appeared to be a small, two-dimensional black hole expanded, its edges fraying and wriggling, its shape twisting and warping. In the blink of an eye, it became nothing less than a mass of overlapping pitch-black tendrils, faintly dotted with tiny white stairs reminiscent of the ones surrounding the red sun peeking through the hole in the featureless sky. I couldn't take a better look though, as his form abruptly folded in on itself, becoming an infinitesimal distortion in space. "Be prepared to feel incredibly stupid."

Before I could get a word in, the condensed something that used to be other-me shot towards me. I couldn't even get the chance to move a muscle, and he already pierced through my chest. There was no pain though. If anything, my headache suddenly got a whole lot better, only to be replaced with a wave of nausea that nearly knocked me off my feet.

"What the…?"

Those were the only two words I could squeeze out of my mouth before my brain… well, it's kind of hard to explain. It's not like I was suddenly granted a vast amount of information, but more like… Sometimes, people forget words, right? As in, you're in the middle of a conversation, and you know exactly what you want to say, but for the love of you, you just can't recall the specific term. Then you spend what feels like ages to try and remember, and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't recall it, until it just suddenly pops into your head, and you just feel this massive sense of relief all at once?

Okay, now imagine that, but instead of a single obscure term or whatever, it's everything. Well, okay, maybe not capital-E 'everything', but it sure as hell felt like that at the moment. And then, to make things even more chaotic, a bazillion phantom limbs erupted from my back. Or at least thirty. Somewhere between those two numbers, for sure, but I understandably didn't have the time to sit down and count them one by one.

Oh, and speaking of ethereal tendrils, I suddenly felt the full weight of the red sun's attention on me, and when I looked up, I saw its enormous starry appendages extending towards me. Countless strands, each as thick as planets, converged and merged together into one massive feeler aimed right at me.

My flight or flight reflexes kicked in right away, but for nought, as I was rooted in place and couldn't even look away as the incoming… something rapidly thinned as it got closer to the crack in the sky. Yet, even as it passed through and reached over me, it was still massive; easily the size of a bloody skyscraper. Then, it touched my head and…

Nothing.

What was that? Was that supposed to be an attack? Probably not. It could've easily crushed me, but it didn't. In that case… was this one of those situations where some eldritch entity made physical contact to convey a message? Maybe it was about to pour some more information into me? Or give me a power-up? That was the usual trope, wasn't it?

Yet, no matter how long I waited, nothing happened. Instead, the enormous, star-splattered feeler carefully retreated, and as it did, it unravelled into its constituent tendrils. On its way out, the countless appendages grabbed onto the jagged edges of the fissure above me, and by pulling on them, the tear in the fabric of the Simulacrum was rapidly mended.

Meanwhile, I just stood there, dumbfounded, and stared at the retreating ************. Did… did he just pat me on the head? Is that what this was about? But why would he…?

"Oh, right." Even before the question could fully form in my head, the answer presented itself in the form of a crumb of knowledge I just remembered, and I couldn't help but stifle a groan. "Goddamit. I was right. I really do feel bloody stupid right now."

Unaware of my internal turmoil, the hole in the sky was fully patched up, and as soon as the last cracks were mended, the white ambience began to retreat from my sight. First, there was light and shadows, and it made me realize that I was in the exact same scenery as before the whole intermezzo with **************… wait, I called him Predator Moon, right? Okay, let's keep calling him that. Much easier to pronounce, and it's best to be consistent with these things.

Meanwhile, after light came texture, and the flat white colour rapidly retreated from my view. I was back in the middle of the ravaged playground, with everything and everyone stock still and in black-and-white… except for my girlfriend.

"— something is…!" She continued off right where she was interrupted by the Simulacrum getting paused in the middle of running to my side, and she stumbled as she came to a halt. "W-Wait? Where did that creature go?"

She must've meant the Predator Moon, but I had no time to properly explain what was going on, so I pointed a palm in her direction.

"Princess! Play along!"

She blinked at me in surprise but also nodded reflexively. Attagirl. In the meantime, I checked my face, and it once more had Pudding-kun on it, which was a relief. Now, I had to quickly figure out what Elly was supposed to play along with, and honestly, I was drawing a blank. There were just way too many things to take into consideration, and…

"Eh, I'll wing it," I whispered, just in time for time itself to reassert its presence, and the moment my gaze met with Angie's confused eyes, I let out a suitably corny villain laugh. "Bwahaha! I see, I see!"

Raising my voice as much as I could, I slipped into my Bel persona like it was an old, comfortable pair of socks and Phased right in front of her. Keeping up a seamless performance was more important than ever right now, and as I appeared, I leaned over to stare closely into her face.

"E-Eeek!"

The Celestial girl reeled back, and her reaction was soon followed by a strike from her boyfriend, aimed right at my neck, but my short-term temporal detection… let's just keep calling it danger sense. Anyhow, it warned me in time, and since I was now surrounded by invisible phantom limbs, it was trivial to slash Josh's magical arm blade into bits before grabbing hold of his hand and pulling him in.

"W-What are you—?!"

I had to establish a bit of menace right now, so I looked him deep in the eye and flashed a suitably carefree grin.

"So that's how it is! Deus, old chap! Part of you is in this boy, eh? Hilarious!"

"Let him go!" Angie yelled, and let loose a magical arrow at me.

It left me a bit surprised, but my reflexes were still primed, so I managed to slap it out of the air with my free hand. Funnily enough, that was a good thing, because if she didn't do that, I wouldn't have turned my head, and I might not have realized that the princess was rushing at me with her arm outstretched, as if she was going to clothesline me.

Of course, since she was just 'playing along', there was no intent to harm me or any other danger, so my sixth sense didn't throw a fuss. I tried to imagine what a blow it would've been to Bel's image if I hadn't noticed her and got hit by that, but since I did, I casually Phased out of the way. Elly anticipated that, and once I was out of the way, she stood in front of Josh, as if to guard him.

"Ah, right! You didn't lose your bow in this timeline, did you?" I asked absently, and I couldn't believe I just said something that was simultaneously factually accurate and the exact kind of bullshit I usually spouted as Bel. Ignoring the sense of incredulity, I glanced at the princess again.

"{Good job!}" I told her through the same method I used to secretly message Josh in the past, by hijacking the communication enchantment on her Magiformer. "{Quick, threaten me!}"

"I… um… If you dare lay a hand on my friends, I'll break you!" Elly exclaimed, and despite looking pretty flustered to me, the others didn't seem to see anything out of line. That was good.

Meanwhile, I straightened my lapels and let out a low chuckle.

"Feisty, aren't you? Well, I would love to play with you, but I really need to find the kid. I have all kinds of questions for him, you see? Such as why he kept something this amusing a secret from me! It was quite inconsiderate of him, I tell you." I paused, and then did a quick temperament shift, staring at Angie with a solemn expression. "As for you, my dear Deus… let's have a chat the next time we meet. Just you and me. Reminisce about the good old times. Kill each other. Have some biscuits. Not necessarily in that order."

Angie blinked at me, her expression tinged with panic, but then she squeezed out, "G-Grandpa Deus says you should… um… D-Do I really have to say that?" She drew in a sharp breath, and then she steeled herself, balled her fingers into fists, and yelled out with her eyes closed. "S-Screw off, you s-son of a…!"

She ran out of steam by the end of it, and the 'bitch' came out as a whisper, but it was still pretty surprising. Also, amusing, in a way.

"Tut, tut, old friend. How could you make a poor little girl curse like that? Shame on you!" I wagged a finger at them and then did a scraping bow. "We'll talk about that potty mouth next time, mister. Till then, stay safe, have fun, and don't forget about the biscuits!"

And with that, I immediately phased out of the battlefield and reappeared in the closed-off reception room of the underground base. Judy wasn't even startled when I showed up. Chances were, she was looking at the scene through my eyes the whole time.

In any case, she immediately turned to me and pulled her communicator glasses down to the tip of her nose.

"What exactly just happened?"

"I'll explain to you, just as soon as I fully understand it myself," I answered while already in the process of sitting down and I let out a long sigh.

While my head no longer hurt, I almost wished it had. It was now filled with waaay too much information, and while I naturally understood that it was all just knowledge I had known all along, but forgot… or maybe 'compartmentalized' was the better term? Didn't matter. The important part was, even knowing that, it would take bloody weeks to sift through all that info, and I had a strong feeling it still wasn't all I was supposed to know. Did I have more such 'compartmentalized' memories? Where? Why?

Questions for later. For the moment, I had one thing I had to do, and do it fast: I had to figure out what the 'Scenario' and 'plot' I kept telling myself about were supposed to be, and just how royally I screwed them up. Without that, I couldn't make my next move, and I also had to be on the lookout for the Narrative, and…

Wait. The Narrative? What even is…?

"Oh… Oh my god…"

"What?" my dear assistant inquired with an unamused expression, and I raised a finger to stall her.

"Shit…" I looked her in the eye, and said, "Dormouse. You might want to sit down before you hear this."

She was still eyeing me with a mixture of worry and annoyance, but she obediently sat down right next to me while I rapidly assembled the relevant bits and pieces in my mind palace.

What I found made… a scary amount of sense. I thought the Narrative was pushing my buttons out of spite, but I never even questioned how it knew what buttons to push. Nor did I ever consider that there was something more to it than just trying to annoy me. If I was right, things like Fred's sentai antics or the entire tournament-arc were tools employed by the Narrative to subtly steer my actions, and it knew how I would react to these things, because… because…

"Judy…" I tried not to sound overdramatic. I failed. "I think I'm the Narrative."