The Simulacrum

~Chapter 145~ Part 4

I was standing stock still, eyes closed shut as I softly inhaled through my nose. The cool air, saturated with the scent of floor wax, pine-scented air freshener, and just a whiff of fried foods slowly filled my lungs. I held my breath. One second. Two. Three. Then, I hefted the heavy ball in my right hand and took a step forward, my eyes unblinking and focused on my target.

I swept my arm back with slow, methodical motions and then swung forward with my whole upper body. There was no fancy technique involved. No spins, no tricky wrist moves. I just aimed, and let go of the ball. It made an odd, high-pitched screech as it met the mirror-polished wooden floorboards, but then it quickly turned into the rhythmic sound of it rolling down the lane in the direction of the neatly arranged white pins. It was dead on center… but then, as it was nearing the halfway mark, it gradually deviated from its original course.

I held my breath and watched helplessly as the ball veered more and more to the left until it finally hit the pins with a loud, hollow clatter. Four fell, the rest remained standing. It was a bit disappointing, but I couldn't do much about it.

"Yay! You hit it!" Elly exclaimed from the back and grinned at me like I just made a huge achievement.

She was wearing a light blue outfit comprised of a knee-length skirt, a loose polo shirt, and a pair of white tennis shoes. The latter was mandatory, and everyone had to borrow one at the entrance. It was to make sure the players wouldn't damage the lanes when approaching. She also had her ringlets tied up into a big, eye-catching ponytail, and the whole outfit gave her a refreshingly sporty look.

"Hmm. Yes. Your posture still needs some work, but you have absorbed the basics well," a certain old man commented from the side, and I levelled a straight-faced look at him.

Sebastian, wearing a fancy park stroller outfit complete with knit west and a checkered shirt, returned my gaze dispassionately while hefting a bright purple bowling ball in one hand.

"I'm a beginner, you know," I pointed out, and I could see just the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of the old dragon's lips.

"And that's why you must pay attention," he stated with altogether too much gravitas and stepped up to his lane. "Here. Let me show you again."

He got ready to roll, and I guess this is as good a point to explain the situation as any.

Long story short, after we separated, Elly talked with Sebastian about teaching me how to bowl. I already knew it was his hobby, and my girlfriend figured that I should give it a try, as it fit the criteria she set up ahead of time. To my utter shock, the esteemed Dracis steward not only didn't object, but he was downright eager to initiate me into the world of heavy balls and easily toppled pins. It must've had something to do with Dad-in-law not being particularly interested in the sport, while Elly and Emese were more into Tennis. Since I was now technically part of the family, he might've been just waiting for the right opportunity to sink his talons into me. Figuratively speaking, of course. I hoped.

I didn't really… mind though? Okay, that might've sounded a bit too wishy-washy, but it was mostly just because I wasn't expecting to be roped into a sudden bowling excursion like this. It's not that I didn't like it, it was just… weird.

Without warning, I was startled by a loud clatter followed by a jaunty tune coming from the large CRT TV suspended overhead. Each lane had one, fastened to long metal rods hanging from the ceiling, and while the ones over the lanes not in use were playing commercials, Sebastian's was showing his current points.

I wasn't entirely clear on the scoring system of the game yet, but since he knocked down all the pins in one go, I guessed the letter X he got on his table was… probably good? There was also a number under it, and when the princess knocked down her pins in two rolls she got a slash-symbol instead, and it had something to do with adding the number of the new rolls to the previous ones… or something. It was all a bit confusing, but I should get the hang of it soon. Or so did Sebastian insist, anyway.

"Were you paying attention?" he asked out of the blue, and after suppressing a twitch, I hastily nodded.

"I sure did."

"Then try to put it into practice."

I had no idea what he was talking about, because I zoned out a bit, and when I looked at the princess for support, I found her with her fists balled up in front of her chest and an expression that shouted 'Go, Leo, go! Fight!'

"Erm… Can I take a break first?" I proposed, and the old dragon agreed much quicker than expected.

"Certainly. How about we sit down for a while."

"Aw." While my princess deflated in the back, it only lasted for a moment, and then her eyes lit up with an idea. "I'll go get some drinks from the snack bar then! Would you like anything?"

"Mineral water. Non-carbonated," Sebastian responded promptly, while I needed a moment to gather my wits.

"Some coke, please."

"On it! I'll be right back!"

And with those words, like a blonde comet, my girlfriend dashed to the other side of the bowling center and disappeared from my view. Like most such establishments, this place wasn't just for bowling. The front had both a snack bar and a small family restaurant, with tables and everything, while the upper floor overlooking the lanes had multiple billiard tables and darts boards with a bar serving alcohol. All things considered, the ground floor had more of a family-friendly recreational center vibe, while the upper floor was closer to a classy Victorian-era saloon rather than a British pub.

"Come, my boy. Sit." Sebastian was already seated on one of the padded benches behind the ball-recovery-machines (I was sure they had a proper name, but I never asked), and I sheepishly walked over and sat down next to him. I expected him to say something right away, but he looked me over from head to toe and let out a contemplative hum first. "The young lady was right."

"Young lady?" I blurted out, and he wagged a finger at me.

"We're in public, my boy. Professional etiquette has to be observed."

"Then why do you keep calling me 'my boy'?"

The question bounced off him like water rolling off a duck's back, and he thoughtfully crossed his arms.

"She told me you are in dire need of recreation, and she wasn't mistaken. You appear to be distracted even now."

"I… can't really help it," I admitted, and it made him raise a brow.

"Is the game not to your liking?"

"No, it's not that," I hastily explained with a palm raised. "It's fun and all, it's just that I have a lot on my plate at the moment."

"All the more reason to relax your body and mind." Seeing that I wasn't receptive to the typical self-help lines, he soon changed his approach. "I understand you are currently under a lot of pressure. For someone your age, it might feel too much to handle at once, especially after what happened that night." I caught him clenching his fist when he said that. Was he still not over that stupid spear, I wondered. Anyhow, it only lasted for a moment, and then he unclenched his fingers and gave me a thin-lipped smile. "Would you like to talk about your troubles?"

"Not really. I mean, it's pretty complicated, and… I'm not sure I can even properly explain the problem I'm facing right now."

"Oh. So it's a specific problem, is it?" he asked, sounding like an old fisherman's wife smelling some juicy gossip. "Could it be related to your mentor?"

"My what? Ah, you're talking about Percival?" I shook my head. "Nah, not really."

In truth, I still had to figure out a way to put him to use in a narratively relevant and satisfying way, and while currently I was drawing a blank on exactly how I was supposed to do that, this conundrum was infinitely preferable to the constant headaches he caused me when he was still locked up. At least now I knew exactly where we stood, and since the cat was out of the bag, it was one less thing for me to worry about.

"In that case, what is eating you from the inside?" Sebastian pressed the issue, and I gave up.

"Let's just say that my current troubles are more… existential in nature," I told him vaguely, and his eyes lit up with recognition at once.

He traced his jawline with his index and middle finger, pinching his chin at the end, and let out an altogether way too profound sound. I had a feeling that he was about to come to some kind of wild misunderstanding, so I hastily clarified my point.

"It has to do with the realization that I seem to be… fundamentally different from the people around me," I told him, but if anything, it had only deepened his misunderstanding.

"It has something to do with your Celestial heritage, hasn't it?"

His guess was off, but I couldn't exactly explain things to him properly without revealing the Simulacrum and the Emergents and so on, so after some hesitation, I nodded. Also, I would've been lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit curious about where he was going with his deduction.

"I perfectly understand your problem, my boy."

"Do you?" I blurted out, and he let out a low chuckle.

"Naturally. After all, when it comes to being 'fundamentally different' from others, I could say without exaggeration that I'm something of an expert on the matter."

Oh, look. Air-quotes. I was waiting for him to whip them out.

Much more importantly though, it was sometimes easy to forget, but I was currently conversing with a literal dragon who had been around for centuries, if not millennia. In fact, now that I thought about it, wasn't he around during the big war between the Celestials and the Abyssals? I was pretty sure his first wife (or whatever the equivalent for big fire-breathing lizards was) died in that conflict, so… Did he know Polemos? Did he meet him? Did I have any fragmented memories of him?

I was just about to ask, but then he threw a curveball at me that made me blank out.

"If you truly inherited the power of the Celestials of old, it is only natural to worry about your lifespan."

"… Pardon?"

Sebastian let out a chuckle and swept back his hair, his lips bent in a sentimental, almost affectionate smile. Was he reminiscing about something when he looked at me, I wondered. Or was it something else entirely? It was hard to read his expression, especially when he wasn't acting like his usual self.

"No need to be on guard, my boy. As I just said, I perfectly understand your quandary. You have finally internalized the fact that you are most likely going to outlive everyone you know. It makes you feel different. Isolated."

"I… Honestly, my situation is slightly more complicated than that, but oddly enough, you're not entirely wrong," I told him, unable to hide the surprise in my voice, and the old steward let out a soft chuckle.

I mean, my main issue was that I might have been a completely different kind of existence than the residents of the Simulacrum, and I was now interacting with beings who were definitely radically different from everyone I ever knew. Lovecraftian outer-gods levels of different. Looking from that perspective, Sebastian was off the mark, but… From the perspective of a normal person, like Judy, wasn't the old dragon already an incomprehensibly dissimilar existence, with his long history and great powers? Hell, wasn't I already like that, even before Emergents and Submerged Ones entered the picture?

"It is indeed complicated, and everyone deals with it differently," Sebastian monologued in a soft voice. "I have seen it happen many times in the past. Some would seal themselves away from others in an attempt to protect their hearts. Others would fear to even interact with the world and make connections, becoming reclusive in the process. Yet others might develop a sense of superiority, treating the lives of their lessers as meaningless to shield themselves from the pain of losing them, while some may simply accept that loss as a natural part of life and live their lives in the present, honoring their past and looking towards the future."

"You're obviously the last type," I guessed, and he nodded. "Is that your advice to me?"

"In a sense." He followed that up with the tiniest of shrugs and gestured towards the bowling lanes. "As your elder, it's the best one I can give to you. Live in the present, and never be afraid to share your heart with others. I know all too well the pain of outliving the ones you love, yet I have never felt sorry for myself. My pity is reserved for those who waste their lives away, afraid to love, to hate, or to bond with others for fear of loss. They are the truly miserable ones." He paused, his hand still outstretched, and then added, "So I say, Leonard, my boy: you must never hold back. Don't falter. Enjoy your life, try new things, and find what gives you joy. Treasure every moment you are granted, no matter how fleeting."

I waited to see if he had anything else to add, but when he was only looking at me expectantly.

"You know, normally I would roll my eyes at such generic life-coaching advice, but when it comes from you, I find it hard to object," I admitted, and based on the way his brows furrowed, he had a hard time deciding how to react to that. Before he could do so, I leaned back with a pent-up sigh and threw my head back, staring at the ceiling. "You know, what you just said sounds good in theory, but it's just so damn hard to put it into practice when the whole world is pressing down on my shoulders."

"It may feel like that right now, with your responsibilities to the Draconic Federation and the Celestial Realm weighing upon you, but it is all transitory. Tumultuous days like these will pass, but the longer you live, the more of them you will encounter. It's inevitable. You'll just have to learn how to deal with them."

"By bowling?" I uttered a touch cheekily, but Sebastian nodded without any pretences.

"Maybe. I would encourage you to find something that truly interests you and provides you a moment of solace in trying times, but I would be lying if I told you I wouldn't appreciate it if you learned to appreciate the sport." He put a fist in front of his mouth and cleared his throat. Was he… getting embarrassed? "To be perfectly honest with you, my usual bowling partners rarely show their faces nowadays, and if you're willing to listen, I'm not against teaching you more than just the basics. Not that I'm particularly married to the idea, but you understand what I'm trying to say."

… Oh my goodness. The old man is being tsundere about me becoming his bowling apprentice. That's… That was so weird, I almost let out a guffaw. I held it in and tempered my reaction into a shrug.

This whole 'hobby' thing was something I mostly went along with because of the princess' insistence. I mean, bowling itself was pretty fun, if a little vexing at times, and I liked the casual, laidback ambience of this place. It was relaxing in a different way than just hanging out with my girlfriends, or playing a tabletop game with the gang. Those were usually a bit more hectic, even at the best of times, so the prospect of taking Sebastian up on his offer and making this a regular thing was a bit tempting.

Yet, at the same time, everything just felt off. Maybe it was because I was tired, or maybe due to the short conversation I had with The Girl during the night, but I was feeling restless. When I told the dapper steward that I felt the weight of the whole world on my shoulder, it wasn't figurative.

…

Well, okay, it technically was figurative, but not in the sense he thought it was. Due to the whole kerfuffle with the Crowned Coalescence and other-me and Narrative-me and whatnot, I was now thrust into the role of a grand director who had to hammer together an ending for this play we called our lives, and I felt woefully unprepared. Also, under-equipped. Unlike Narrative-me, I didn't have any kind of grand influence, where I could rearrange the board off-screen in response to whatever the Plot required. And even while Narrative-me did have that capability, things were so complicated I still mistook his heroic cat-herding efforts as sloppiness. Or was I just giving too much benefit-of-the-doubt, now that I knew that the Narrative wasn't a malicious outside entity, but a part of the greater-me?

While I was lost in thoughts like that, Sebastian patiently waited for me to sort things out in my head, but it took so long that the princess already returned with a couple of plastic cups in hand.

"Mineral water for grandpa!"

"Young mistress. I told you to refer to me according to my station when we're in public," Sebastian chided her, but she just giggled and turned to me.

"And one cup of cola for Leo!"

"Thanks." I absently accepted the drink and immediately took a gulp, only just realizing how parched my lips felt. It was only after this that I noticed that Elly was looking at me with eyes that said she had something to tell me. "Yes?"

"Guess whom I ran into!"

Blinking, I glanced between her and the front area of the establishment. From this spot, I could only see part of the restaurant's floor. There weren't any familiar faces in sight, so I signalled my giving in with an over-exaggerated shrug.

"It's your friends," she told me, sounding pretty excited by the chance meeting. "You know? The boys who worked in the hot springs resort."

"… Do you mean the goldfish poop gang?"

"Goldfish what?" Sebastian blurted out next to me, but we ignored him.

"Yes, them! They're working in the snack bar here, and they asked about you." She let out a giddy giggle. "They said we really helped them out with our donations during Valentine's, so the drinks are on the house today!"

Considering how absurdly wealthy she was, there was no reason to get so hyped up over some free drinks. But then again, despite her oujo-archetype making itself known every once in a blue moon, my rich girlfriend was somehow also incredibly low maintenance, so I decided to share her joy with a smile.

"It's a small world," I spoke off-handedly between sips from my cup, and she repeatedly nodded.

"It is! I mean, putting all of the… you know… those… um… Doylist?" She paused and looked at me expectantly, and when I nodded, she let out a relieved breath. "Those Doylist things aside, it's so weird we keep running into them."

"It's not that weird. If anything, it's just…"

I wanted to say 'the Narrative reusing named characters', if not necessarily in such direct terms, considering that Sebastian was still listening in, but the words got caught in my throat and turned into a weird 'Eh?' sound.

My eyes reflexively turned to the vague direction of the snack bar on the other side of the wall, and I couldn't help but wonder: could this be a coincidence? Nah. The chances of us running into these guys right here and now were pretty astronomical. But if not that, then what?

Narrative-me was supposed to be out of the picture, yet it was hard to explain this as a mere coincidence. Did that mean that there was some other entity, or universal force within the Simulacrum steering things? It would've explained all the times the world responded to us jinxing ourselves. I sincerely doubted that Narrative-me would purposefully keep track of those just to capitalize on them for the sake of some twisted kind of schadenfreude, so was I missing the forest for the trees?

After all, while meeting the goldfish poop gang here under natural circumstances was vanishingly unlikely, if we considered that they were something of a running gag at this point, it would've been weirder not to run into them when some kind of food court or stall was involved. And if that was still enforced even after what happened, then that meant…

"Leo? Is everything all right?"

The princess leaned closer to me to take a better look at my face, and on a whim, I gave a peck on her cheek. She was startled, but then let out a giggle, and after sharing a smile with her, I let some of the tension drain from my shoulder.

"I just realized that things might not be nearly as grim as I thought."

"Hehe. You see? I told you that doing this would help! You're already more optimistic!"

"Hey. Let's not get carried away just yet," I chided her, if playfully. I handed her my half-full cup before standing up and then rolled my shoulders. "All right. I feel a bit better now, so let's give this bowling thing another go."

My draconic girlfriend cheered on me, while the old dragon only followed me with his eyes while I picked up a ball from the machine next to my lane and turned to Sebastian.

"Thank you for the advice. From before. I appreciate it."

I tried not to sound sheepish, but I didn't know how well I did. Based on the warm look he was giving me, I probably failed, so I quickly shook my head and turned to the lane before all of this saccharine silliness would give me a stomach-ache. This time, I didn't overthink it and just rolled the ball in a way that felt comfortable. It once again made that characteristic sound as it rolled down the shiny wooden lane, and I was pretty sure it would end up in the ditch on the side, yet the ball somehow careened away from there in the last stretch. I watched with bated breath, and after slowing to a crawl, it reached the pins with a soft thud, knocking over five of the remaining ones.

Then, after wobbling for a while, the last pin fell down, resulting in the same jaunty tone I'd heard before when Sebastian's score showed up on the TV screen overhead.

"That's a spare," the evidently pleased steward proclaimed, looking rather impressed. "Good job, my boy."

That… felt surprisingly good. Maybe it was because my worries suddenly lessened (even if my hunch about Narrative-me was just that at the moment), or because I just briefly threw my worries to the wind, but that casino-like sound declaring that I scored made me feel better than expected. I mean, I still wasn't entirely clear on the rules, or the exact technique, but the company was nice and the dopamine-hit was something I didn't know I needed. Combine that with the proud look on Elly's face and the unusually pleasant old steward, and…

"Huh. I might actually make this a habit after all…"