The Simulacrum

~Chapter 155~ Part 4

This particular morning in the Dunning household had been hectic, to put it mildly, and it wasn't until our time of departure was just around the corner that things finally calmed down a bit. Morgana and Arnwald had been up and about since the break of dawn, taking care of outstanding paperwork and instructing the other officials at the Draconic Federation on how to proceed with the office work in their absence. They came back home just a few minutes ago, and now the two of them were patiently waiting for Penny to finish packing.

I'd already done that, and so did Snowy, but my other sister was a bit of a scatterbrain as usual. Despite the fact I had very clearly explained to her that she didn't need to bring much baggage, she still ended up overpreparing, and so she now had to trim her luggage down to just two duffel bags. On the flip side, my Abyssal sister had other things to take care of before we left.

"… and make sure that if Noir tries to contact you, stay away from him and inform the Fauns."

"My Lady, please. I'm not a child. I can take care of myself," Tajana, dressed just a bit more formally than usual, insisted. The two of them were standing near the door leading to the kitchen, with Snowy already carrying her backpack.

"I know. I trust you."

"My Lady…"

The two of them shared a moment… for a grand total of two seconds until my sister turned to the man also idling near the kitchen.

"Sir Roland? Please look after her while we're away."

"My Lady! You don't trust me at all!"

Ignoring her outburst, Roland narrowed his eyes.

"How come I'm always being delegated to be her babysitter?"

"You're the only one I can entrust with her," Snowy insisted, and Sir Griffon raised a palm.

"Fine. I understand. I'll keep an eye on her, as usual."

"Uuu… Why is everyone treating me like I'm a child…?"

Disregarding the moping spymaster, Snowy's face lit up when Penny returned to the living room, this time only carrying two bags.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm good!" She declared and lugged the bags over to the couch, where Arnwald was sitting. "I couldn't fit my winter-proof sleeping bag in, so I really hope the nights won't be too cold."

Approaching her from behind, I put a hand on her head and rubbed it vigorously, much to her surprise and chagrin.

"Just how many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to worry about things like that?"

"A-A-Awawawaaa! B-Brother, stop it!"

She threw off my hand and retreated to the other side of the sofa, much to the amusement of Morgana, who was watching over us with the kind of motherly eyes that perfectly fit her new identity in our hodgepodge family.

"And why do you even have winter sleeping bags at all?"

"A girl has to be prepared for everything! And it was on sale," she told me, and when I raised a skeptical brow at that, she stuck her tongue out at me. She must've been in her rebellious phase or something.

"Penelope, don't fight with your brother."

"But mom!" Penny whined, and I was both surprised and a bit happy to see that the way she called Morgana was getting more natural by the day.

"Since Penny's got her things together, are we ready to head out?" I asked, and Arnwald rose from the sofa in response.

"Affirmative."

Morgana looked at him with just a hit of 'Oh, you!', and also stood up with a much less rigid, "What he means is that we're good to go."

"What about Judy and the others?" Snowy asked, and I was honestly surprised by the question.

"We'll meet them at the base. I asked Abram to pick up the whole Sennoma family on the way to streamline things. Didn't I already tell you about this yesterday?"

"M-Maybe?" my Abyssal sister stammered. "Sorry, I think it slipped my mind, and… um…" She glanced at my other sister and sheepishly added. "Penny didn't let me sleep last night, so I'm not in my top condition."

"H-Hauu!" The redhead girl exclaimed and rushed over to her side, desperate to silence her. "S-S-Snowy, you can't say that! They'll misunderstand!"

"Misunderstand what?" I asked innocently, but if anything, it only made her redouble her efforts to cover Snowy's mouth.

"Nothing! We didn't do anything strange last night! Everybody got that? Good! Nothing to see here!"

Shaking my head, I couldn't help but say, "You know, kiddo, when you're acting like that, you're practically inviting people to have contrived misunderstandings."

"Ah…" She paused, and then her shoulders drooped. "Oh, no. Brother already has that look."

Even though she looked thoroughly perplexed, Snowy still managed to squeeze out, "What look?"

"You know? That look. The kind that says that he'll use this to tease me later."

"And now you're just being paranoid," I spoke with my calmest, innocentest voice and waved my hand. "How about we get back to this later, and head out first?"

"No, don't get back to this!" Penny moaned, but the rest of the family simply gathered around me with their bags in tow, so she was forced to follow suit.

"Stay safe, Tajana."

"No, My Lady! You stay safe!"

My sister said her farewells to our freeloader, we shared a polite nod with Roland, and after everyone was ready, I wrapped them up in my phantom limbs. Since the cat was already out of the bag, there was no reason to waste time by individually Phasing everyone over via the teleport closet, and a blink of an eye later we were all in the reception room of the base.

"I still can't quite get used to this," Arnwald griped, looking a bit unsteady. "It just feels… wrong."

"It's all right dear."

As we recently discovered, Phasing with me gave seasickness to him, so he lagged behind to catch his breath while Morgana patted his back. On the flip side, Penny was already opening the door to the main hall, with Snowy in tow, and while they were trying to act normal, I could tell they were hyped about the trip. Let's hope it won't disappoint.

We didn't agree on an exact meeting spot beyond 'in the base', but everyone naturally gravitated towards the lounge area, and looking at the group from a distance, I had to admit I was feeling a pang of concern. When I originally started planning this excursion, it was only for our core group. The gang. The 'old guard'. Just me, Josh, my girlfriends, sisters, Angie, and Ammy, like in the good old times.

Then I kept adding people to the list one after the other, because why not, and now…

"I'm really looking forward to this!" Dad-in-law declared loudly, and Judy's father nodded along with solemn dignity unbefitting of him dressed like a stereotypical tourist. Not that Abram was any better, which told me the not-exactly-well-kept secret location of our destination was already out of the bag.

"I have to admit, I feel a little overwhelmed," Judy's mom said in a low voice, but Emese only smiled at her with an expression that said 'You'll get used to it'.

"Like, when are we leaving? I'm totally stoked!" a certain brown ex-arch-mage exclaimed, clad in light and colourful clothes that immediately brought the words 'gyaru fashion' to mind, and the considerably more conservatively dressed armband guy behind her exhaled an exhausted sigh.

"Please refrain from shouting indoors."

"Listen to him, Sahi," Lord Barnabas chimed in, wearing his usual suit-and-cape ensemble with regal poise. "We're going to represent the Assembly, so you must always remember to retain your dignity."

"Yes, yes. Like, I get it. Don't be such a…" Her grumbles were cut short when she noticed our approach and she waved over her head. "Look! They're totally here! Finally!"

The arch-mage and the homunculus boy shared a look of subtle solidarity and sighed in unison. Meanwhile, not too far from them, the trio of Josh, Angie, and the class rep all looked just a bit apprehensive.

"Is it just me, or it's getting a bit crowded?" the guy mused, and the two girls nodded more or less in unison.

"I didn't know those two were coming," Angie noted as she subtly gestured towards Sahi and Pascal.

"They volunteered to be my bodyguards." Ammy's voice was filled with trepidation while she morosely readjusted her glasses. "Or rather, I think she just wanted to come along to play, and Pascal is coming to keep her in check."

Josh let out a grunt and looked over the crowd.

"You know, when we made the headcount the other day, it didn't feel that much, but looking at it now… are we going to be okay?"

"Okay with what?" Angie blurted out, and after being stumped for a second, the guy weakly shrugged.

"I dunno. It's just that… this is supposed to be a training camp, right?"

"Among other things," I commented just as we reached their side. "Hi, guys. Is everyone ready?"

"Yeah, more or less," Josh responded on autopilot, but then immediately veered back to the previous topic. "Seriously though. Isn't this a bit too much?"

"Honestly, a bit, but it's fine," I told him with a careless wave of my hand. "I made my preparations with the unexpected in mind, so we can accommodate a few extras. It's going to be fine."

"That wasn't what I…" he griped, but fell silent when my girlfriends arrived from the direction of the bar.

"Hi, Chief." Judy's greeting was a bit unenthusiastic, and when I raised a brow at it, she explained, "It's nothing. We needed to remove ourselves from the conversation until now."

"Care to elaborate?"

"No."

That was blunt, but the princess didn't get the memo, and she told me, "Mom and Judy's mom were sharing anecdotes, and it got embarrassing."

"Anecdotes?" I echoed, my curiosity suddenly piqued. "What kind?"

"Oh, you know…" Elly muttered, unsure if she should properly answer. "Like that, she thought that secret bases were only a thing in movies, or that Judy used made pillow forts instead of something like this…"

"Elly, stop," my dear assistant hissed, but it was too late.

"Wait. Hold on for just a moment. Dormouse? You built pillow forts as a kid?"

"No, I didn't. It's retroactive continuity filling in my backstory, and I do not endorse such things," she fumed, and I had a hard time deciding if she was serious or not. But still…

"Huh. Now I'm imagining a tiny Judy playing with pillows. Isn't that just too cute?"

My girlfriend let out a shallow groan and glared at my other girlfriend.

"You'll pay for this."

"W-What?" Elly stammered, so before things could escalate, I reached out and ruffled Judy's hair.

"Easy there, Dormouse. No need to be so dramatic over something like this."

"I'll consult my lawyer about whether this is actionable on grounds for defamation, and then we'll see about dramatic," she continued to gripe, causing the princess to get even more flustered.

"Don't be so grumpy."

For extra emphasis, I pulled her into a hug, and she soon calmed down.

"I'm not grumpy, just sleep-deprived," she answered in her usual deadpan tone, and I was just about to tell her I'd heard that excuse today already when we were interrupted by Ammy clearing her throat.

"Yes, we all know you three get along well, but can we move out?"

It was unusual for the class rep to be this impatient, but I could understand her to a degree. She'd been under a lot of pressure as of late, and there were some other extraneous issues she had to deal with on top of that, so I didn't question her and silently skimmed over our group. Arnwald and Morgana had caught up with us and were already making small talk with the other parents, while my sisters were in the company of Sahi and discussing her choice of fashion.

Speaking of which, it was really easy to tell who was already spoiled about the details of our trip, because they were the lightly dressed ones with minimal luggage. It didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things, but at this point I felt that I should've just let the cat out of the bag yesterday so that everyone would be on the same page. Oh well. Insert idiom about lamenting splattered dairy products here.

Much more importantly, since we were all gathered, I saw no reason to waste time here when there was so much to do and see. That said, the time of our departure wasn't entirely up to me, but my collaborators were anything if not punctual, and seeing that it was almost two in the afternoon already, I figured I should get everyone ready.

"All right! Please, listen closely!" I called out, raising a hand high over my head, and the small talk quickly died down with everyone focusing their attention my way. "We'll leave in a few minutes, so here are a few ground rules: until everyone's familiar with the surroundings, stay together and follow instructions."

"Is there any danger?" Josh inquired.

"No, nothing of the sort," I responded with a shake of my head. "I just don't want any of you to get lost and mess up the schedule.

"We have a schedule?" came the next question, this time from Penny.

"Kind of. I wasn't planning to, but they insisted, and… you'll see. For now, gather over this side, and we'll leave in a minute or two."

There were some curious glances thrown around, obviously looking for our mode of transportation. Others focused on me, probably expecting that we would Phase over. None of them were on the right track.

I, on the other hand, looked at the spot at the edge of the lounge area, where a rather sizable yet indistinct spot on the fabric of space was slowly churning and swirling without anyone else noticing.

Then, just as some of us (read: Sahi) were getting impatient, it reached the end of its invisible countdown and, much to everyone's surprise, a large portal opened right then and there. Of course, some were more shocked than others. Judy's family, for example, were still acclimating to the supernatural, while the arch-mage looked the most alarmed by the sudden development.

"Here we go. Josh, Angie, come to the front with me. The rest, follow after us."

Nods all around, the childhood friend couple soon caught up with me and the three of us crossed the threshold first. While the base was well-lit, the sudden sunlight still caught me a bit off-guard and I had to shield my eyes. I wasn't the only one, as Angie also put a hand over her forehead.

"Wait… Are we in…?"

"Welcome, to Archon Point," I spoke with just a hint of a grin, and as the rest of our group arrived, I was rewarded with a series of startled, amazed, and in some cases stupefied gasps.

"No way…" Ammy whispered in a daze, but she recovered quickly and tweaked her glasses at me. "Leo! We just talked about this the other day! How is there a… I mean… What even is this?"

She gestured at the large paved-over field around us, with multiple open portals operated by Celestials carrying those fancy multi-instruments around their necks. There were only piles of containers and building materials around them, so not much to see. Other than a small delegation already waiting for us, that is. This time around we didn't have any trumpets or red carpets, so at least they were learning.

"Wow! We totally are in Elysium, aren't we?" Sahi exclaimed, while Lord Barnabas only let out a thoughtful hum.

"I never thought I would have the opportunity to visit this land in my lifetime…"

"Look, honey! There are flying people over there!" Judy's mom tugged on her husband's arm, and credit where credit's due, the man took it all in with seasoned stoicism.

"We really are in a different world, aren't we?"

"Leo! Answer the question!" Ammy demanded, sliding into my field of vision again, so I raised a hand to stall her.

"Easy there. First, give me a second." I walked over to the group of Celestials waiting for us. I didn't want to make a huge deal out of this, so they were mostly normal folk with a few mid-ranking officials among them, all dressed rather sensibly. None of the overblown togas and fanfare and all that stuff. "Is everything prepared?"

"Yes, O Lord Archon!" the man at the front greeted me with fervorous reverence and nearly kneeled until another man behind him pulled him back up. That guy apparently had slightly more common sense. I made sure to memorize his face in order to give him a raise later. Meanwhile, the first man awkwardly straightened his outfit and gestured towards the building at the far end of the paved area. "Your carriages are waiting for you and our esteemed guests."

"Thank you. Where's my aide?"

As if waiting for just that, I noticed a commotion in the back, followed by a series of apologies.

"Sorry, coming through! Please excuse me, but it's urgent that I…!"

"Mike?" Ammy blurted out in surprise when the guy's blonde mug came to the forefront, and he beamed at his girlfriend.

"Amelia!" It took him a long second to realize where he was, and he hurriedly cleared his throat. "I-I mean, welcome, Lord Archon! Please, excuse my tardiness, but there was a situation, and…"

"Calm down. Is everything ready?"

Michael straightened his back and nodded.

"Yes! I made sure everything was up to your specifications!"

"Good man." I patted him on the shoulder and then grabbed onto it and pulled him towards the class rep. "You're dismissed for the day, so go ahead and relax a bit."

"I-I wouldn't dare, but if you insist, very well, thank you…" he sputtered in quick succession and then immediately skipped over to Ammy's side, where they started whispering between each other.

I turned to the rest of the Celestials.

"I'll take it from here. You're also dismissed, and thank you for your hard work."

Simple words, yet they somehow still made their expressions light up with pride. While some stragglers still wanted to guide us around, I managed to quickly shoo them away and return to our group.

"… that's why I couldn't reach you for days? You could've told me!" Ammy pouted, and Mike awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"S-Sorry honeybee. Leonard said it was supposed to be a surprise, so I couldn't say anything."

"So it's your fault!" Ammy turned to me next, still pouting. "And you still haven't explained anything!"

"I know, I know. Why don't you just relax and take in the sights like the rest?" I gestured at the parent group already taking photos, then Josh and Angie pointing at a tower in a distance while explaining it to my sisters, and she soon let out an ambivalent hum. "See? Nothing to stress about. I'll explain the rest while we walk."

True to my word, I started moving at once, and our group hurriedly formed up around me. This time we didn't walk in line, but more of an indistinct blob with me in the middle, probably so that everyone could hear me.

"As I said, this is Archon Point, the world's first portal-based logistics center." I swept my arm across the mostly empty plaza, with only construction crews and materials all around, and belatedly added, "It's not much to see yet, but give it a few weeks, and it'll be quite the sight."

"So it's just as I feared…" Ammy muttered, her arm already locked with Michael's and sounding just as grumpy as before. "Listen, Leo. When I told you that you should seriously consider the ramifications of teleporting and portals, this wasn’t what I meant."

"To be fair, construction was already underway by the time we talked," I pointed out, but it did little to lift her mood. "Also, I'm still working on the transit system. Rails are a no-go, because it's hard to line up the portals perfectly so that there's no gap, and derailing is bad even when portals aren't involved. Right now, I'm thinking about some kind of catapult system, and…"

"That's beside the point!" Ammy fumed, and I just realized that her floating orbs were reacting to her mood and were also furiously shaking as they circled her head. How novel.

"Indeed. There are more important things to discuss," Lord Barnabas chimed in and came to the forefront. "Are you saying that once completed, this…"

"Portalport," Judy commented, making me squint at her.

"The proper terminology is still pending, but… let's go with that for now."

My girlfriend hummed victoriously, while the dark-skinned Magi swept his eyes across the flat grounds.

"An airport for portals. Fitting." His gaze returned to me, looking more than just intrigued. "Can I presume that you're planning to establish a means of instantaneous transportation of personnel?"

"And goods, yes." I waited for a beat, and then added, "We're already building our own dedicated 'portalport' terminal back home at the Draconic Federation. If the Assembly wants in on the project, ask Abram. He's one of our chief investors, so you can get the details from him."

"In that case, I'll do just that."

Without further ado, Lord Barnabas left for the back of the group, where my in-laws were making small talk with Sahi and Pascal. Meanwhile, the class rep exhaled a long groan that was obviously meant for my ears, and when I glanced over at her, she instantly tugged on the frame of her glasses.

"Seriously, Leo? Seriously. Can't you at least wait a few weeks before upending the common sense and balance of the World of Mystics all over again?"

"Why? This should be a good thing for everyone involved. Right?"

I turned to my girlfriends for support, and while Judy only shrugged as if it was none of her business, Elly rubbed her palms with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Hehe! We're going to have a monopoly!"

"I was under the impression monopolies are a bad thing," Judy stated absently, but it only made the princess grin even harder.

"It's only a bad thing when others have it!"

"… I could argue with that, but I won't."

I internally debated whether I should chime in on the economics of this venture, but in the meantime, we reached the vicinity of the only building. It was a large construction of the same, pure white material as the spires, and the overall shape could be best described as a cubist interpretation of the conch of a giant sea snail.

"This is the cultural exchange center; name also pending," I introduced the building with a sweep of my arm. "Since I expect that this project will cause a lot of mingling between the different powers and people of the World of Mystics, this'll be a neutral meeting ground where issues can be discussed as they come up. Think of it as a proto-embassy."

"Wow! It's like, totally huge…" Sahi exclaimed and raised her sunglasses to take a better look. And no, I had no idea where she got those sunglasses; I couldn't pay attention to everything at once.

"It's not that big," Angie commented on the side. "The Migdáls are much bigger than this."

"Really? They don't seem that big from here?" Penny mused as she put a hand over her eyes and squinted at the closest tower in the distance.

"It's because it's far away," Josh pointed out, causing my sister to snap.

"I know that, smartass! I'm not dumb, right, Snowy?"

"W-Why are you asking me that?" my other sister stammered, and while that group had their little squabble, Arnwald came up to me.

"Are we going to stay here?"

"No," I denied on the spot, but then after some consideration I also added, "On paper, we're here for the sake of cultural exchange, but no, this isn't where we're going to stay."

The rest of the parents overheard our conversation and were looking at me with undisguised interest, so I gestured for them to follow me, and once we rounded the building, a road with a line of fancy horse-drawn carriages came into view. They were supposed to be palanquins carried by Celestials originally, but there was enough culture shock going around already, and I didn't want to freak out Judy's mom and dad. But then again…

"Look, darling. Horses!"

"Be careful, honey. Don't get bitten."

"Don't worry!" Angie declared with a toothy grin as she joined them. "The horsies here are all super nice!"

They were taking everything in stride, huh? It was better than them freaking out, that's for sure.

In any case, I herded our group into the carriages, and before long, we were on our way to our destination. On the way there, we passed by some orchards, a small village where the inhabitants cheered when we waved at them, and then past some large grain fields already growing fast under the controlled climate of the Elysium. While those provided some sightseeing opportunities, the journey itself was uneventful to the point Judy decided to take a nap on my lap. She could, because the three of us, the princess included, had a whole carriage for ourselves.

I only woke her when the horses stopped, and she sat up with a huge yawn. While I already knew why she was so sleep-deprived, I still felt obliged to tell her, "You really should've just slept properly last night."

"Hush, Chief. Anti-harem countermeasures come first, sleep is a distant second."

"Sure, sure," I conceded, as this was an argument I'd lost a few times already, and once the coachman opened the door, I stepped outside and helped the girls down.

I could already hear the waves, along with more impressed gasps from our company. However, before I could explain the situation, I was startled by a series of trumpets. Already annoyed, I skipped to the front of the group and found some familiar faces.

"Welcome, dear guests," Tsephanyah greeted us and… wait…

"What the heck are you wearing?" the question slipped out of my mouth, but the man only smiled proudly.

"I have made thorough preparations," he declared and tugged at his green camo vest. Not just that, but he was also wearing long boots, a dark shirt, and a matching bucket hat with honest-to-goodness fuzzy, colourful baits and lures on it.

However, before I could get any further into questioning him, I noticed someone else making a fuss nearby.

"Why aren't you doing your job?" a certain brunette woman in her full toga fineries hissed, and the two little girls in front of her covered, nearly dropping their baskets full of rose petals in the process.

"B-But… the Second True Archon will get angry at us again…" the girl on the left whined, and the other weakly nodded.

"That's no excuse for—" It was at this point that she realized I was looking, so she hastily stood up straight and flashed a smile in our direction. "Welcome, Polemos!" She then whispered a hasty 'Scram!' to the side, and the girls retreated at once.

"… Eris. What the hell are you doing?" I asked, as deadpan as I could be, but she didn't get a clue.

"I took it upon myself to arrange a proper welcome for you and our esteemed guests," she answered naturally and lightly nodded towards the people behind me. "I'm Sumboulos Savir, the Second True Archon's—"

"No, stop," I cut her off with a raised palm. "I specifically told everyone I want no fanfare, no spectacle, and no grand receptions."

"Indeed, yet an apt level of sophistication still has to be maintained when the Archons themselves are returning to Elysium, especially with guests in company."

"Are you seriously going to argue with me on this?" I growled, and while her smile faltered for a moment, she quickly shook her head.

"No, of course not. It's why I only limited the arrangements to a bare minimum," she said, ignoring the trumpeters behind her and the two flower girls on the verge of crying at the side.

"Fine, just go away, would you? And you, Tsephanyah…" I turned to the other ex-director, and to my utter shock, he was already chumming it up with the menfolk, which somehow also included Pascal.

"Indeed. I have consulted the local fishermen, and they have pinpointed several promising locations near the shore, as well as a riverside less than an hour's travel from here."

"Oh, that sounds intriguing, but I didn't bring a fishing rod," Judy's dad responded dourly, but the blonde Celestial's smile only widened.

"Please, don't concern yourself over such minor inconveniences. I have already arranged for multiple sets of fishing equipment of the highest quality. Consider it a gift."

"That's very considerate of you," Arnwald spoke while dad-in-law only chuckled mirthfully.

"Don't even mention it. It is the least we can provide for the beloved friends and family of the Lord Archon," Tsephanyah told them with a humble bow of the head, and… wow.

I honestly couldn't decide if I was more impressed or scared of the shameless networking chops of that guy. Oh well. At least Dolion wasn't there, or that would've been the…

"This way, everyone!" A new voice called out, and I couldn't help but facepalm right away. "Using proprietary Celestial technology and furnished with the finest materials, allow me to introduce you to Elysium's finest beachside properties, for your enjoyment!"

Like a used car salesman, the youngest ex-director was hyping up the line of bungalows past the hill, by the shoreline, as if trying to sell them to the other half of our group, and… Wait, was he actually doing that? Goddammit.

Yet, before I could get involved with that, I noticed that Savir sneakily approached my girlfriends of all people, making me stop in my tracks.

"You must be Polemos's fiancées, am I right?" she addressed them with a sweet voice, trying to seem harmless. "Miss Eleanor Dracis of the dragonblooded families, and…" Her eyes fell on Judy, and her smile widened. "And Miss Judy Sennoma, of no particular heritage, if I'm not mistaken."

"Eris!" I called out to her, making her shudder. "If you try to heckle my girlfriends, I swear to god I'll bury you in the sand of the beach, neck deep!"

She opened her palms as if saying that she was entirely innocent, and I was just about to kick her out when I was interrupted once again, this time by the sound of children bawling. My eyes snapped over to my right, where I found the two flower girls crying. Despite my better judgement, my legs automatically took me over there.

"Hello, kids. Is everything all right?"

The two of them froze up, like deer in a headlight, so startled they forgot that they were sobbing. On closer look, they were pretty tiny. Maybe second- or third-graders, by normal standards? I didn't want to frighten them even more, so I crouched down until we were at eye level. It was only then that they calmed down a bit, and the kid on the right opened her mouth.

"We… didn't want to make the great Archon angry…"

"I'm not angry. Not at you, anyway…" I told them, automatically adopting a slightly higher pitch. "There's no need to cry."

"B-But the esteemed s-sumboulos is mad at us and, and…"

"Uuu…"

The other girl was on the verge of crying, so I automatically reached out and rubbed their heads. Normally doing that to kids you only met three or four times in total (if they were the same flower-chuckers from before; I honestly wasn't entirely sure) was a bit too forward, but I was past caring.

"Don't worry, nobody's going to be mad at you. Why don't you two just go home?"

"We can't…" The girl on the left shook her head vehemently. "We didn't do our jobs, and everyone's going to be mad at us."

"B-But we didn't have a choice! We… didn't want to make the great Archon angry…"

Wait, didn't she already say that? Was this a placeholder-slip kind of thing, or just a kid thing, I wondered. In any case, my conscience wouldn't let me leave them like this.

"In that case, you can just tell your mum and dad that Archon Polemos praised you and told you that you're good, considerate girls, okay?"

The two of them were silent for a while.

"We… don't have a mum. Or dad."

"We're from the orphanage."

Oh god damn mother of a donkey-merchant! They're orphans too?! Seriously?!

"Okay, screw it," I whispered and removed my hands from their head. "As an apology for scaring you, you're hereby appointed as my official Chief Reminders." They looked confused, which wasn't surprising considering I just made it all up in the heat of the moment. "Your job is to stay around us and remind people that I don't like fanfares, red carpets, flower petal bombings, and big ceremonial greetings. In return, you can remain with us during our vacation, all expenses paid, and have fun. Deal?"

The two of them continued to stare at me, dumbfounded. It wasn't quite the thousand-yard stare of a placeholder caught in a blue screen of death, but it was close, and after several seconds, the girl on the right finally managed to squeeze out a hesitant, "Really?"

"Really. So cheer up, you two. Let me see some smiles."

While still awkward, the two of them complied at once and forced smiles onto their faces. In truth, they still seemed more confounded than anything, but it was fine for now.

"Good enough." I rubbed their noggings again and stood up.

That was my good deed for the week, so after this, I could be as nefarious as I wanted.

…

On second thought, did I even have a reason to do that now? After all, future-me was already taking care of all the nefarious business. Maybe I should do more good deeds, to balance out the scales.

While I was thinking, Michael of all people came over to my side. He looked a tad fretful, and he whispered, "Is this going to be all right?"

I frowned to indicate that he should be more precise in his wording, but he just made a general gesture towards the rest of the group, where Mensah was still in the process of explaining the facilities of this newly built beach resort, Tsephanyah was still busy sucking up to my in-laws, and Savir was… being a pain in the ass, as usual. Nothing new there.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

I would've been lying if I said I hadn't been expecting that those three would try to get involved, and it was a small mercy that they didn't bring along their patsies in tow. Even without that, things were a bit more chaotic than planned, but we were still on the right track towards a genuine beach episode. We had the waves and the sun, we had the white sands, we had the traditional seaside cabins, and so long as we followed my checklist, we'd have enough tropes to tide us over until future-me finished setting up everything to the grand finale.

That was promising to be a huge pain in the neck, at least based on the notebook's description, but there was little I could do about that. For now, I just put it out of mind and focused on the moment, enjoying the impromptu vacation and doing my best to ignore these minor annoyances.

"Oh, trust me, girls. I know Polemos intimately," Savir declared proudly, contrasted with a mask of a friendly smile on her face. "Why, during his stay in Elysium, he often visited my room to have deep conversations, and…"

Okay, maybe not all the minor annoyances after all.

"Mike," I called out, startling both the guy on my left and the little girls on my right.

"Y-Yes, Lord Archon?" he stood straight and even gave me a sloppy salute.

I looked at him, then back at Savir, and my lips parted into a not-at-all malicious grin as I softly spoke three simple words.

"Get. The. Shovels."